Oh What a Year! Part 6:GOODBYE to my old self; HELLO strong, healthy, confident, self aware, adult ME!

    So as you can see its been an intense year!! The months from May-Aug were really full on, with lots of self doubt and bouts of sadness and anxiety. There were some of the toughest months Ive faced in a very long time, if not ever! I am so thankful that my relationship with OM is so stable and in such a great place. I just had to really search deep to find more of myself to help me cope with everything that was going on. It helped me assess the priorities in my life, where I want to be going, am I on the right path and who can I count on to be on the path with me. It really is true that in times of crisis you learn who your true friends are and you learn more about your relationships and yourself than any other time. I had to reassess a few of my relationships and unfortunately I was let down by a number of people I counted on- which just compounds that sad, self doubting feeling. But I came out the other end and Iam thinking more clearly than ever and feel that I finally have direction. I am actually proud of myself and OM for what we've acomplished in the last year, and I finally have more time for those that matter most who were there for ME when I needed them because they know that no matter what I would (and have been) there for them.

I feel like this year has tested us (and many we know have also had a really rough year) but we passed and are now (sadly) removing the shells of our childhood and youth and embarking on lives as adults. Last year I felt in a way that I took a little break from my life, with trying midwifery and testing new things, and now im back with all this new knowledge and experience which are armoring me with whats to come. Im no longer relying on others, Im no longer saying yes just to please others or to make myself feel better (helping others does make me feel good, but no longer at the expense of being exhauseted of feeling used)- Iam self aware enough to say NO when I cant or just dont want to do something. I have more faith in letting things just happen the way they are meant to, and trust that there is a plan of some kind. I am trying to listen to my body more and work more with energies and breathing. Im in the mind set that my direction will take me to a place of helping people- and ive learned now that advocating for women and birth wont come from midwifery in this country so ill use my skills and strengths to do this through social work, through working with schools, through childbirth and sexual health and fertility education which I hope to strart studying soon, and a passion for working with high school students has really begun to flourish (so who knows whether my end to uni will last). I cant wait to be married to my OceanMan and have our beautiful secluded forest wedding, which hopefully also be the time where we will be ready to start making babies! I feel refreshed (although a little worn and exhausted), but inspired to see what comes next! Hopefully things will continue to flourish, fingers crossed that I update more often too!