holidays: great people and great food!

My mid year holidays are quickly coming to an end, but it has definitely been an awesome few weeks. I havent stopped really! I attended an amazing birth, redecorated the house, caught up with lots of amazing friends that i havent seen in ages and talked until i lost my voice. But I made sure that we ate lots of yummy and interesting food. This post is therefore going to focus on some of the amazing food that ive made and consumed over the past couple of weeks.

At the begining of the holidays i enjoyed a great night out with ThePartner and friends where we dined at one of our fav vegetarian restaurants that specialise in the (slightly freaky) not-meat in which all the dishes that contain 'meat' actually contain a textured-vegetable-protein version of that meat that tastes and feels exactly like the real thing! We go there mainly because of the novelty that it provides, but the food and the prices is not bad at all. My fav is the 'prawn' dish, but that just freaks out ThePartner a bit too much, so we opted for more safe options like the not-chicken and sweet corn soup (which i love as i miss the real thing alot), honey not-chicken and a mongolian not-beef that comes out on a sizzling hot plate. It is such great fun! After our meals we decided to head out to an all night desert bar just next to China town that specialises in just serving desserts (mainly Asian style) all night- Clearly we wanted a whole night of novelty! ThePartner and I love Fried icecream, and while i prefer it the traditional way served as a ball, with a sugar cube that has been lit up with liqour, it seems to only be available as a square these days- not that im fussy haha. So here is the yummy caramel fried icecream we enjoyed:

About a week ago i had a lovely friend over for dinner and i decided that it would be great to make something fun together, so i picked up some organic pizza dough, nutella, rasberry jam, marshmallows, dark chocolate, curly-wurlys, icecream and strawberries, and we made the most delicous dessert pizza.

Additionally, anyone that knows me, knows that im obsessed with cheese and tomato, particularly when served with Jatz! I know its not the healthiest thing to eat in the world, but i just love it. My breakfast generally consists of cheese and tomato on Jatz or toast or a boiled egg with promite on Jatz or toast. So i thought id dedicate a small section for my love of cheese and tomato, the best combination ever created!

ThePartner also decided to get cooking this week. He comes from a Polish background and has really missed his nanna's Sauerkraut pierogi so he decided to make his own. The first time he tried he used pasty which wasnt too bad, but he forgot to rinse the sauerkraut so it was really salty. This time though he used the proper round pastry, rinsed the sauerkraut and combined some onion, garlic, mushrooms, and faken (mock/fake bacon) which he sauteed and folded into the pastry which was lightly fried and they tasted really great. Im not really a sauerkraut fan, but they really were yum!

And on a healthier note, I had some friends over again on fri night so i cooked up two really great soups that are quick and easy and i love to make. One was a Pumpkin, sweet potato and tumeric, and the other was a Potato, zucchini and parmesan. I just loved the second one because it was quite cheesey, and im a little sick of pupmkin soup. My mum, also made me the most amazing mushroom pie that ThePartner and I just devoured. Mushrooms are just one of the greatest foods ever, and no matter how old you are, mum will always be a better cook. Of course its always a positive to not have to cook myself so thanks mum!

Occupation: Student

My first degree was a bachelor of Behavioural Science with majors in Psychology and Sociology. A three year degree that i learned so much from, but really couldn't give me much in the way of employment, and id had no experience in the area so didn't really know what i could do- i needed more. Ive always had a passion for social justice issues and counseling. Talking with people through their issues and challenges is something that has always come naturally to me. I decided that i should do more than just counseling so i applied for the Masters In Social Work and got in. Again, i leant heaps, and met lots of great people, but after working for a little while with foster children and getting a better understanding of how crap the 'system' is it got pretty disillusioned and confused about whether i really had the emotional stability to handle this type of work. i had always dismissed comments like "wow that's a hard job" or "how can you cope with that" by saying "well someone has to look out for these people, someone has to do it" truly believing that my passion to make a difference, even if only small would be all that i needed. I started to feel that i was wrong, particularly when i realised that burn out, high job turn over and high alcohol consumption is often the way many social workers get through their day. On the other hand some social workers, particularly some of the people i studied with who have since graduated are just really great at what they do, and probably even better at being able to leave work at work. Im not one of these people.

I was ready to give up and surrender to a feeling of failing myself in being able to come up with a passion that i really wanted to pursue as a career. I decided that I would finish off my first placement as a school counsellor and then embark on some soul searching, with the intention that at some point i will do my second placement and finish off the degree but probably not just yet. I absolutely loved my role at the school, but was upset that I would need a teaching degree to actually get paid for this role. But i felt that helping young people- more specifically young girls was immensely rewarding and helped me not only grow up alot, but it gave me alot of confidence in my abilities. While i knew that social work was not the area that i wanted to specifically work in, i knew that i wanted a combination of social work and something more specific to women's health. While doing this prac i started to become introduced to the area of homebirth and midwifery. I had always loved the whole area of childbirth, women's health and empowerment and childbearing but always thought that the area of midwifery would be too science based for this right brainer, but after watching an Insight program (which featured one of my all time fav Australian artists Clare Bowditch), and finding a fantastic blog on homebirth i started to look into in more and decided that i had finally found my calling! The only problem being- the government wanting to have homebirth abolished! So the kind of midwifery i want to practice, being holistic independent midwifery in which i can combine social work and midwifery, attend homebirths and maybe create an educational program for disadvantaged mothers or young women that highlights all options available to women and not just the medical, mainstream model is not really something that looks like it will be easily achieved.

Getting into midwifery was really one of the highlights of my life, especially because it is so hard to get into. And i dont quite know what i expected because i knew that i wouldnt be accepting of what is pushed at uni and the hospitals, but i guess i didnt expect to feel quite this confused and secretly a bit scared. Midwifery is about being with women, which is exactly what i want to do, but here is australia it is so medicalised, and as much as my uni lecturers go on about how different nurses are from midwives, most people dont see it that way. I dont want to be a nurse. Im not interested in being a nurse! i admire so much what they do because i know its something so important that i just cant do, but i want to be a midwife more than anything and am so upset that people cant see the difference. I dont want to work with sick people. Yes, pregnant women can sometimes be sick, but how is it not clear the difference between working with sick people as a nurse and supporting pregnant women as a midwife? I also trust birth and believe that it is a sacred journey in which the midwife's role is to stand beside and support women not to intervene in any way, or even touch the baby or mother unless absolutely necessary- which is a far cry from what happens in a hospital! I hate my placements so much, im stuck in a general medicine ward trying to learn vital signs and make the most of my time not learning much relevant to midwifery at all! and worst of all i have to stay quite about what i really believe because independent midwifery and homebirth are barely even seen as the same field as the midwifery taught at uni, and if you go against it you are placed in a box with a big label of "rebel/wont conform" making it clear to everyone that you are different!

One of the assessments that we had for uni were weekly reflective learning logs, and two of them asked about how we are feeling both as university students and as midwifery students. I would like to share them here because they really highlight my feelings right now about what is like to be a midwifery student after 6 years of constant study and the feeling of being such an ousider. Note, they were only supposed to be 250 words!:

 Life as a student at university

This year marks my 6^th year at university, so life as a uni student is not really something new. It is however strange to be back as a first year after so many years, although this has come in handy because I know all about university policies, how to use the library and how to reference. But to be honest, I am really tired of being a uni student, and wish I wasn’t, and the only thing keeping me going is the passion I have to become a midwife. Being a uni student has been great, I love being able to work in my own time, have consistent holiday breaks and I love to learn new things. Its a great uni to study at and I have certainly met lots of great people over the years, but after 6 years I’m well and truly over studying and really just want to be able to earn some money. I’m tired on having to rely on Centrelink, and having to push back holidays or outings because I cant afford them or don’t have the time, and having to work Saturdays and Thursday nights to pay the bills is frustrating. It has been wonderful having policies in place such as Centrelink, but they really dont help encourage people to work. I mean you are punished if you work to much, which keeps you in a cycle of poverty and not able to get ahead financially, but i cant work enough to pay the bills and study- midwifery is alot harder than i was expecting, harder than any degree i have done! I know I shouldn’t complain too much because I don’t have children to worry about and it was my choice to go back and study, but honestly, it can often be a struggle as I have to keep reminding myself why I am here and keep doing this to myself so I can have a job I really love, because at the end of the day I know that is what’s going to be important.  

Life as a Midwifery Student 

I have a number of mixed feelings about studying midwifery and my experiences in following women through their pregnancy. I currently have 5 women that I am following, one of which has birthed.

Explanation:

I have not found it too difficult to find pregnant women to follow through, however I am not a shy person, I know quite a lot of people who are helping me, and I work in a baby/store which surrounds me with women either pregnant, planning or friends with women having babies. However, I do not know that I feel comfortable in just going up and asking women whether they would like a student at their birth. I find this very intrusive, and feel that women are becoming so used to birth being a very ‘exposed’ event that they do not see this as an issue. I haven’t had one woman offended in me asking them which is great, but I don’t know that I feel right about it ethically. I have had many women say that they would love to have a student but haven’t been told it was an option, in which I feel that maybe it should be the hospitals, doctors, midwives and university who more actively ‘recruit’ women, especially in the teaching hospitals. What really bothered me the most about this issue was the fact that I hadn’t really thought about it as an issue until a previous lecturer (in the Social Work department) was totally horrified that we were ‘recruiting’ women to follow through. I don’t even know that I would want a student at my birth, and I have talked through with women their issues about whether or not to have me at their birth and it really feels wrong to be selling myself to them, especially because many of them don’t really want me there, but are doing it because they are helping me out. But I realise that it is necessary for me to learn and I can offer valid support.

While I am enjoying learning at uni and am really grateful to have received a lot of credit from my other degrees, I am feeling that it is sometimes very different to what I really want to be learning. I am finding the hospital system very difficult to rationalise in my mind, particularly to remind myself why I’m doing it. The women I am following through are quite different to the women that I normally associate with, which I have found to be an interesting learning experience. I am interested to see how they birth and how they cope with being pregnant, and I am supportive of all women’s decisions and actions even if it differs from my own views. However its been really difficult to define my role as a student and what I can and cant say/do, particularly because a lot of these women are not interested in educating themselves about birth and options that they may have. I never want to put my own views on a woman because as a midwife I strongly believe that our views stay at the door, but I’m finding that I just lose myself and start to feel anxious and don’t know what to say. Not to mention that the first birth that I attended was not a particularly positive experience for me or the birthing woman, and to make this worse, I was unable to debrief with the midwife (or anyone) and felt very let down and a little disillusioned.

My clinical placement is also killing me. Honestly I just feel so claustrophobic up there, and its really weighing heavily on me. I really understand why we are doing it, and I can see its importance, but doing this in a semester when we are hardly talking about birth or women leaves me feeling quite sad about what midwifery is all about, especially because it is so vastly different from the role of the midwives that I admire and want to be like, and even the facilitator on my ward feels like it’s a waste of time for me because most of the people are incapacitated so I cant even use my communication skills.

Additionally, I am terrified of all the new laws coming into place in July around insurance and being independent and I just keep feeling that I cant win and if both uni and the government don’t support me in what I really want to be doing, then what is the point? I know I don’t want to work in the hospital, but I also know that I have a lot to offer to women in areas other than birth, possibly combining midwifery and social work, which is why I haven’t given up, but it is scary and frustrating. I feel that in order to obtain the skills that I feel I will need working outside of the hospital I will need to continue studying after this degree or even move overseas which I don’t really want to do- and I don’t want to work illegally. So I’m always in a debate in my mind as to why I am continuing. Fortunately though I have gained a lot of credit which has kept me from quitting because I know I have a lessened load, and I have a lot of support from women in the area that I want to work, and classmates who continue to pull me up, and I am considering taking a year/semester off next year to help me reassess.

On top of all of this though, I am feeling frustrated with the assessment requirements of the course, not only because of the bioscience topic which could be a whole essay in itself, but many of the assessment requirements have not been very clear and then the marking provided no useful feedback at all, which is very different from what I am used to in other degrees. I like to do well, but if I haven’t I am able to accept it but I need to know why, with feedback on what I can do better. I have worked really hard this semester to try and decipher exactly what we are supposed to do, without a lot of support, and then have not been given useful reasons as to how I could improve. I have been able to keep up a high GPA all through my masters, thus allowing me into this degree, and now its falling because we are not given any feedback about how to improve. I just keep hoping that next semester, without bioscience and with lecturers back from leave, will improve.

Evaluation:

            I understand that no profession is perfect, midwifery included, and that there isn’t some utopian midwifery outside of the hospital, and I see how vital the hospital system is, there are areas that I really love, but why is it so wrong to want to work away from the system? What is upsetting me is that I feel that its not acceptable within the university system (and to most people) to think like this. We are being trained to work in the hospital- this is what the government wants and it is the norm. To keep myself from getting too depressed or quitting all together, I am making sure that I associate with other like minded students, and those who have finished and do work in the setting that I admire. These people are really helping to keep my thoughts in perspective and believe that what I want is possible, I just have to persevere. I have also booked a holiday to somewhere that I can learn from some alternative birth workers and I am just trying to figure out my study options, try to focus my priorities, and as a midwife friend said to me, not to lose my ‘calling’ and just be with-women. I also have to stop whinging and find some peace and balance in what I’m doing- I’m considering some meditation.

Evidence:

Pairman, Pincombe, Thorogood and Tracy (2006) outline how independent and team midwifery serves to be as a beneficial primary care model, and a successful midwifery model that encompasses a focus on continuity of care, and that it works well in New Zealand, but that Australia have gone about healthcare in the wrong way (p. 18-19).

            Additionally, I have become familiar with Anne Frye’s book Holistic Midwifery (1998) and am almost finished reading Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin (2002). I feel that Holistic Midwifery (Frye, 1998) in particular is a very comprehensive book that gives a lot of insight into being a midwife on a level quite deeper than the textbooks that I am currently using. I feel that it is a shame that the options for prospective midwives have been limited so much today, with university being the only option. Anne Frye’s book is aimed at apprentice midwives, which still exists in certain parts of America and Europe, and I feel sad that this was not an option for me here in Australia. Additionally, while spiritual midwifery is quite dated, much of what is said is still relevant to any birth, or caring for any woman, and should not been seen as ‘hippie stuff’ that is useless, but just another was of thinking about birth that I relate to so much more than many of the more medical textbooks. When reading Spiritual midwifery, that is the kind of midwife id like to be, but it feels that what Ina May is talking about is not related at all to the mainstream midwifery that I feel I am supposed to want to be. My next books on the list to read are Birthing from Within, Gentle birth, Gentle Mothering and Birth Crisis.

In all this confusion, where do i go from here?? job, continued study, travel, baby, move to byron?? hmm, i think I'll just go back to bed.

Homebirth: Fear

This week opened up a media storm about the "attempted" homebirth of TV celebrity Dannii Minogue, and this interestingly coincides with not only with the first birth that i have attended, but also the first home birth. Seeing Dannii Minogue on TV getting bigger over the past few months i remember thinking to myself about what care she would be getting throughout her pregnancy and how interesting it would be to be able to attend a celebrity birth as a midwifery student to see if things are done differently. I pondered about her fancy hospital room with fancy views, the staff all fussing over her, and an Obstetrician certainly taking control of her care, dressed in expensive suits and explaining the risks of birth. I had in fact (with one eyebrow lifted) thought that like a number of other celebrities she would most likely elect for a cesarean in order to make the process "easier" and to keep her body and bits in tact. Clearly i was wrong, and In a way im so glad that a celebrity with the notoriety that Dannii has, made an educated decision to elect to have a homebirth. I am just so sad for her that complications led her to be transferred to a hospital but I am also mourning that fact that it could have finally given the media a great positive story to spin about home birth and let people know that it is in fact safe and a choice that women are entitled to make. Instead Dannii is left with the media on overdrive about her birth, and we are again on the defensive trying to counteract all of the misinformation being spewed by every doctor and 'medical professional' that can add their two cents, and the media neglects to give even a remotely two sided opinion with evidence based facts from credible sources. Why?

Dannii and her family have a healthy baby boy and while its strange that this story has made the headlines over and over, the fact that a healthy baby boy was born is what should be talked about. Is it really such a big deal that she had a homebirth? are we shocked because we thought she was 'smarter' than that? I congratulate her for making a decision to have a homebirth despite such strong public opinion and the knowledge that she would be scruitinised, and for deciding that the complications occuring were enough for her to transfer to a hospital because it was the best thing for her and her baby. But i object to media and pretty much every second person you speak to just focusing on the 'attempted' homebirth and the risks associated with giving birth insead of thinking about the fact that a) as a first time mother- or any-time mother deciding to give birth at home will pretty much always be an investigated decision because its not something everyone does and it is so scruitinised within our society. You are much more likely to investigate the pros and cons of a homebirth than a hospital birth even though im sure if more people did more babies would be born at home. and b) Dannii, like most women choosing a planned homebirth had a professional at her birth who obviously decided that complications required a transfer, and thus instead of being deemed too dangerous, homebirth should in fact be seen as a safe alternative to hospital birth because there is a skilled professional attending and in the event of complications the professional will notice any signs of distress and will suggest a transfer if they feel it is necessary. How is this being irresponsible or reckless?

Many of the babies who have died at home, most likely would have died at hospital too, and the number of babies who die in a hospital are never up for public discussion so why does anything to do with homebirth become so unbelievably dissected. So some of the quotes being thrown around by apparent 'medical professionals' include "Up to half of all first-time mothers attempting a home birth had to be transferred to hospital due to complications” and  "It is better if first-time mothers don't attempt a home birth or, if they do, they should be counselled about their risks and needs for transfer," and my personal favourite "your baby is 4 (or any other number that the 'professional' could think of at the time up to 25 in one article) times more likely to die at a homebirth." Now where did these figures come from?? No study ive ever read! And since when did mothers need couselling on their birth choices? does that mean they will be able to get counselling upon choosing a hospital birth because in fact that is what women need!?

When a baby dies- or is injured, or a mother is injured or traumatised the hospital isnt scrutinised, there is no couselling, there is rarely even any acknowledgement that anything went wrong. You wont often see it on the news or in the papers, and the family is often left wondering what happened. A number of studies that have come out in fact show that outcomes are the same for hospital and homebirths except that interventions are much lower and satisfaction is higher for those who had a homebirth. And of course what about counties where homebirth is the norm like the UK, Holland and NZ, why is it that their outcomes are in fact much better than here, does that not account for anything?

Again midwives get no consideration for being skilled professionals that actually know what they are doing! not one media article or segment that i saw even bothered to ask a midwife. One that particularly pissed me off was the 7pm project that i actually enjoy watching most of the time. They promised to discuss the pros and cons of homebirth, in a fair way. Liars! They interviewed a homebirth mother for around 7 seconds who stated how happy she was to have a successful homebirth, and then proceeded to interview an Ob who (he could have been worse) stated very blatently that we was against homebirth but at least suggested some advice for those considering it. But where was the midwife? where was the skilled professional who acutally attends homebirths everyday and who is actually with-women every day, consumed by birth to help women who make the choice to birth at home and who has the skills to decide in the rare occassion when something could be wrong that a hospital is needed?

The laguage often used when it comes to birth is also digusting and needs to be rectified. Dannii birthed at home as long as she needed and could, she did not have a 'failed' homebirth, she did not 'attempt' a homebirth and 'need a transfer in order to birth her baby saftely', Terms like 'faliure to progress' 'deliver' and 'incompitent' and disempowering and plain rude. Pizzas are delivered, babies are born or birthed!


One of the worst articles i read which can be found here stated:
"So money can buy you designer maternity dresses and holiday homes on Ibiza, but it apparently can't buy you common sense....The Australia's Got Talent judge decided to spurn the best medical care money can buy in Melbourne in favour of giving birth at home... Was this a bizarre bid to elude the paparazzi or was Dannii in search of some crazy earth-mother fantasy?" the author goes on to suggest that homebirth should no longer be an option!! so elective cesarean surgury that opens up your abdomen and requires 6 weeks recovery and can have quite severe side affects to both mother and baby should be an option but homebirth should not? since when did taking choices away from women and where they choose to birth become sensible? This author, who is in fact a women has no freaking clue about homebirth or birth in general and has clearly not done her research on the subject, and I can respect that she holds an opinion as she is absolutely entitled to do, but what i dont think she has a right to do is spew her uneducated and misinformed views on to others who may be influenced and who may believe her crud! She is part of this horrible cycle of birth=fear and she is paid to do it! its fine for people to have this view, but then we need the other side too. It was a partiularly disrispectful article and implies that Dannii, like all homebirthers are reckless and choose to put their child's life in danger- i mean really! Like she says, Dannii does have all the money in the world, so why would she choose a homebirth? I guess there must me some good reason other than being stingy.



I feel most cranky at the lack of respect and the misinformation being given. Where do we learn about birth? at school, from home, from friends, from the media? most of the time we aren't given much unbiased information about the options available. Many women just do what they are told by their doctor and dont think twice. They put their whole trust into the medical profession without even blinking, but when this is continously thrown in our face, and those who go against it, like Danni, are crucified why would we stray?? The media, medical professionals and in particular schools, have a duty to provide us with balanced information that show accurate risks and available options. And we as consumers have a duty to question and question again. We should not be bullied or scared into things that we feel uncomfortable with, and we should demand respect for the choices we make no matter what they are- i dont feel that Dannii is receiving much respect at all. I feel that fear is the bottom line in this business of birth, and we need to educate ouselves to not let the fear skew our thinking. Birth is not to be feared (no matter how much they tell you otherwise). Complications are rare, interventions and medical practices increase these risks which in turn create more cycles or fear=intervention. Birth is normal and we need to trust in the process. All of this misinformation is actually putting more women and babies at risk as making them more scared, and and less likely to challenge the system.

To end this long rant, on Sunday 4th July another beautiful baby boy was born at home in water into his mother arms, and i was there to support, take photos, and learn. It was one moment i will never forget and i cant even list the number of emotions i felt. He taught me that birth is normal and the strength that women have is beyond description. A couple of prominent things really stick in my mind about this amazing experience and that is
 -how normal birth is, it is just something that happens and then there is a baby. It is bloody hard work, but it doesnt require anything other than that.
-babies born at home dont cry! we are always told/shown that a baby will cry when it comes out. Well thats probrably because they are born into cold Ob's hands and poked and prodded! even though i was told this, when the baby came out i just wanted him to cry so i knew he was ok, in fact he was perfectly healthy and happy not crying!
-mums (and dads) should be the only people who touch that baby when it comes out! it seems like the most empowering experience in the world to be able to catch your own baby and place in right on the breast for bonding skin-to-skin. Most people are surprised when i tell them this, not sure why because it makes sense, so i thought id add it.
-no medical intervention is required (unless there is a rare complication) and you and that baby will thank you for it.
-placentas really are as awesome as i thought! It really is pretty easy (and not gross as most assume) to achieve a lotus birth, and i was so grateful to be a part of helping to prepare the placenta with lavender and salt. It only took 3 days to detach.

I hope this week has provided people with something to think about, and i hope that Dannii , while i dont think she should have to, will come out defending her decision to plan a homebirth because maybe if its seen as even slightly acceptable others will realise that we are not all crazy hippies. She made an educated and responsible decision that should be respected. She, like any other woman has the right to choose where they want to give birth. Unfortunately complications led to a transfer but this again was a responsible and reasonable decision that was agreed on with the skilled professional employed to keep her and her baby safe, but that does not make homebirth or any homebirthing woman stupid or irresponsible, in fact in makes her the exact opposite!

Favourites of the week

This week has been extremely busy. I'm supposed to be on holidays and while its been so much better than any uni week, it has still been very hectic. So as a quick little post before i have time to do a proper post, here is what i am listening to:
 

The Best of Jefferson Airplane including my two most favourites Embyonic journey which is very significant to my life at the moment, and White Rabbit which is one of my all time fav driving tunes.

Meal of the day has been: Peanut butter and honey on toast, simple but yum. ThePartner is away playing an Ultimate Frisbee tournament (yes, i said Frisbee, will explain when ive had sleep) and Ive just got back from a birth where the kids loved this so its what i feel like!

Crystals I'm wearing at the moment are Moonstone, Labradorite and Hematite.