Oh What a Year! Part 5: Goodbye being single, Hello Married Life!

As mentioned in an earlier post, we are engaged!! Yep, we have succumbed to adult life!! That trip away (particularly Varkela and Pai) really strengthened our already strong relationship and made us realise that what we want in life are the simple things like sunshine, beautiful surroundings, fulfilling jobs that are not too stressful, and to always have time for and with each other! Some of my family members of our family had bets on that we would get engaged overseas, so for those of you who did also i say haha, NOPE! He was tricky about it and didnt want to be cliche. We arrived back on the 29th Jan. A week later on the 7th Feb we celebrated our 7th Anniversary together- from what I understand about 7's is that it is a powerful number things are often made or broken around the number 7, and I definitely believe it to be true. Daisy-Lady was also coming up to 7 years with her partner and sadly at that time they separated. Its as if after 7 years we start to really reevaluate our priorities and what we want in our life. OceanMan has never really liked talking about commitment- especially not putting labels on it. Of course he was always committed, common, 7 years! but just didnt really like to talk about marriage and the future, it was always just far away in the future. After my cousin got married, well my family really started to be on to him about 'putting a ring on it' which I sometimes got sucked into a wondered whether he ever would 'want' that (even though I wasn't sure I wanted it, I just wanted him to want to want to think of me as forever... how silly is that!) and other times brushed off because i know i dont need a silly ring for him to be committed to me- our culture is so backwards!!

Because he had always avoided those conversations as much as i thought it could happen that day I didnt really think it would because he just hadnt really given any indication that things were different and he was 'ready.' But it was an amazingly special day that is going to be hard to put into words. First we were so lucky with the weather, it was beautiful and sunny and warm. We were still in the blissful post-travel bubble- reality hadnt quite hit. I woke up to a beautiful REAL Lotus flower sitting on the table for me- Lotuses are my absolute favourite flower and obsession and have always wanted a real one. Turns out it was quite the effort to get it and hide it from me! We got dressed up and went for a buffet breakfast at our favourite hotel that we go to sometimes on special occasions which is overlooking the beach at Glenelg. Its pretty expensive so I thought it much be a special day for him to justify spending money we didn't have! We went to a wander down to Brighton where there is a bench that we used to sit on a look over the beach and chat when we first started dating. After a while down there we went home where we made sushi together a he got changed and said I might like to too. He "suited up" in a cool vest-suit hed found in an opshop, which he never does and I thought was a bit odd. I got changed too and we went for a mystery drive to the Botanic Gardens at Mt Lofty which is another of our favourite romantic spots that we used to often fo to when we first started dating and go on special occasions. We had a picnic lunch and lay out in the sun just discussing the coming year. After a while he got a bit jittery and fidgety. He put on some music with his ipod- my favourite (which he isnt a big fan of) Ray LaMontagne which was when things  started to seem more sus, then he got out some wine and my fav Gin and orange and proceeded then to pull out a ring, get on one knee and read out a poem that he had written in Varkela while was was doing my Reiki course. I bawled my eyes out like a little baby- its funny how you never know how you are going to react to a situation like that . The poem was beautiful and the ring! well the ring was extra special because he walked up and down the streets of Varkela trying to find something special and sentimental and that matched the style I liked which was similar to the antique rings of my mum and Oma's rings. On our last day when he thought he had exhausted his search he had found one that I loved and secretly went back to buy it and hide it the whole way back home. It is so beautiful. (although because it is silver and marquesite and wont last long enough to become an heirloom we decided to have it remade, incorporating aspects of my mums ring into it- I get it from the jewelers on wed so will be sure to update!) When he asked me amidst my tears I just kept asking in laughter "are you sure, are you sure?" of course I said YES! It was such an amazing and surreal day and we were on cloud 9 for the next few weeks! It really did bring us closer together because we had made that next step. It is all symbolic but it does feel like there is a slight psychological shift too that we have now commited to spend our lives together and wouldnt have it any other way. We love each other more than words can say and have a great communicative, trusting, warm and most of all FUN relationship and while I hate all the negative connotations that come with marriage and what it used to mean for women in terms of being 'owned' and of course how exclusive our society has made marriage, to mean between man and woman instead of between two people who love each other (no matter what gender they affiliate) we will make marriage mean what we want it to be and have fun with it- even if that means just embracing the commitment we have made to one another.


I didnt tell anyone that we got engaged that night, even though I was busting to! We decided to keep it special and between us before all the wedding crap began. We also didnt want to tell one parent before another so we decided to get them all together as it would be fun to make an announcement and keep them guessing for a while. Whats funny though it that most people thought we were pregnant, then they thought we must be moving away and only lastly did they think we were engaged!! It was so much fun to call up our family and ask them to meet us as a desert bar on a monday night and lie to them about why we were going there- each person something different! My mum had her suspicions, but everyone else was pretty suprised but overjoyed and over the moon. There were lots of tears and moist-eyes and we were able to cotinue our bliss with our family's support.


I have to admit that engagement party planning (especially without Mac) and wedding planning have not been quite as fun as that first initial week, and really we should have just had a surprise wedding at the engagement party, but the stress of moving house, trying to find new tenants, selling my car, settling in to a new tough job AND planning an engagement party (while only close family still ended up around 65 people) was a tough gig. Its hard working around what you would like a wedding to be about- in our case we want it as Eco, DIY, close-nit, earthy, with just close family, representing our individuality and love for each other- and NOT about the expectations of others. Our engagement party while stressful to plan (but giving us good practice) was a really fun day. We made it a Mad Hatters Tea Party Theme and collected lots of teapots and tea sets to decorate the hall. We invited only close family and everyone did their bit to contribute. My parents made the food, OM's mum and sister helped with the tea sets and organised and amazing dessert bar, his dad and dad's partner organised alcohol and decorations and some food and my best girlies (who were so patient with me) and I decorated the cake and hall. Updates on wedding planning will follow as there is not long to go now and im not very organised- any hints or tips are very welcomed!

Oh What a year! Part 4: Goodbye to Good Friends

  My bestest friend who I will call 'Mac' (because i dont know anyone else so obsessed with Apple and is my techno assist) who was featured in a previous post left for a 5 month exchange to Japan the day after we got back from our trip so we had to say goodbye to him just as we were saying hello. The thing about him being away, apart from missing the movie nights, and drunken foolishness and his constant knowledge on the most ridiculous things- and important things like what movies and shows to download, but he was in Japan during the Earthquakes! He was fine of course, and didnt really see what everyone was so worried about him because he was *soo* far away from them, but still, its nice to have him back again! He brought us back the most ridiculous Kit Kat flavours (yes giving in to the evil of nestle, but only for Mac) like sweet potato, cheese and green tea!!

Mac saying hello with his hat in honour of not being around for out mad hatters engagement party!

Check out his photography blog at: http://www.talesfromthecamera.blogspot.com/

 I also have to add here that we also had to say a deeply sad goodbye to a dear dear friend who was like an uncle to me. He passed away in July and it really really rocked me and my family- especially beacuse Ive never had to deal with death that close to me before and one minute he was there like he always was and the next minute he's not! Its so hard because you can see the pain that is being suffered by his family but nothing will make it better and all we could do was be there and make things more comfortable for them- but everything seems so unhelpful and issues seem so trivial compared. Death and goodbyes are not something I cope with well so with everything else going on at that time I became so confused and lost. You start to wonder what youd do with out other close people in your life- its freaking scare! You really do start to question life and happiness so much more and I started to get to frustrated by so many people around me and their inability to make positive choices in their life that would not only positively impact them, but also those around them. I think i just became really frustrated and disollusioned with people and life in general. This friend who passed was an inspiration because he was just so happy-go-lucky, and like us was interested in living a simple but happy life. He was your ultimate nice guy who lived for his family and to cycle and be happy! He and his wife had been blissfully married for over 30 years (since she was 15) and he adored his daughter more than anything (even his bike)! It was just so unfair that he got taken too early! You dont really realise how much impact someone has on your life and your consciousness until your forced to say goodbye and think about it more clearly. I certainly have taken a deeper interest in learning more about grief and loss therapy because ive always avoided it because i find it too hard, but its a necessary part of life- if only to help his family and those in my life who will ultimately lose someone they love. No words ever seem adequate!

so with all the changes and craziness, grief and loss came in every way imaginable this year!

Oh What a Year!! Part 1; Saying Goodbye to UNI and Hello to the Real World!

   This has been one MASSIVE year!! With this post hopefully you'll understand why I have been so absent! There have been lots and lots of goodbyes and many hellos and new beginnings, so id like to dedicate a post to these. We began the year on a plane entering Delhi where we were flabbergasted by so many emotions of being in such a foreign place- but enjoyed the adventure of course. While there we had to make some big decisions about the coming year as it was soon approaching and we were up in the air with so many things. We had to make decisions on pretty much everything- do I go back to uni? which degree to I finish? Where will OceanMan work? where will I work? Do we resign our lease on our tiny unit or find a bigger place? How will be afford a bigger place? Should be stay in SA or move to somewhere more tropical like Byron or the great ocean road? Should be start thinking about getting married yet? Are we ready for a baby yet?

Saying GOODBYE to UNI and HELLO to a new JOB:
We were getting back in to Aust in Feb, and uni goes back in march so I had to decide what to do about uni, and whether I could find a job that could double as a placement for my social work degree so that we could afford to pay back our trip, move house, upgrade our cars and plan for a family... stressful times!! I wasnt really enjoying the midwifery degree like I thought i would, i felt it went against so many of my ethics and values, and the degree itself was just a joke- no one gives a shit about you! the curriculum had so many flaws and no matter how many times people complained they were made to feel small and silly. The bullying culture in midwifery is unbelievable and there is no support for students- particularly when they need to debrief and I just couldnt continue in something so against what I believe to be right. This was pretty much made concrete after an amazing inspiring and mind blowing placement at the woman centered and empowering Pregnancy Advisory Centre where everything I wanted from a job in Social Work that combined truly women centered care was highlighted- that it could be achieved. After getting a nursing supervisor whom I had never met, who had strong personal prejudices against abortion and those who are pro choice, AND who had no idea about the requirements of midwifery students began to bully me (and I have never been bullied before in my life!) starting over the internet I was fed up! I was so thankful to the staff at my placement who supported me and stood by me and advocated for me, but I could not say the same for the uni staff who seem to enjoy this bullying culture! I missed the Social Work faculty so much and was fed up with bitchy, catty, manipulative, closed minded, uneducated, unethical and over medicalised views! The birth culture in Australia is just getting further and further away from the Midwifery I want to practice, and with a good friend- know is the most knowledgeable and experienced midwife I know currently on trial for the death of a baby that would have happened in a hospital, the fear and stakes are too high and I will just have to find another way to advocate for women without becoming a brainwashed robot.

So our trip away really was the start of a whole new life for us! The first thing I did was contact the social work department to say I was coming back to finish my last 2 topics, then midwifery to say I was deferring (who tried to be sickly sweet so I wouldnt leave because the drop out rate for the year was so excessive). Then I left my job at the organic store and embarked on an intense (and confidence rocking) few weeks of application writing!

OceanMan luckily came back to Aust with some steady work for the first term, but was still finding it difficult to nail down teaching jobs. During this time of me sitting at home writing applications all day and fretting about money we hunted for houses, and tried to decide whether we were going to stay (because we didnt really have anything stable here and it would be a good time to pick up and go), or move to Byron or Tourquay. We put in a couple of applications of houses, with no success. The retail market had just shot up and prices were rising, and more and more people were applying- without stable jobs it was going to be hard to get something. We kept changing our minds from definitely moving, to definitely staying. On a day when we had finally decided 'yep were moving' I got a call from a job I had applied for and James got a call for an interview- so we took it as a sign that with no money at all and a hate for too much unplanned change with reluctantly decided it was a sign that we should stay and try to make it work for a year while we save up!

So things started to fall into place! I said goodbye to uni, to my dreams of midwifery (for now at least), to my job in retail which I had been in since high school and hello to the real world! I got the job as a Youth Project Officer at a Mental Health organisastion where I facilitate and plan an 8 week program for youth in schools- AND I got to use it as my final placement so ive finally got a 'thing' and I can officially call myself a social worker!! This was a tough six months as everything was happening at once and like I said Im not great with too much change and disruption all at once. My job was more challenging and isolating that i had expected but i feel that I have really surpassed my own expectations of what I thought I could achieve and my own skills and abilities. It took alot of confidence rocking and self doubting to finally reach an understanding that actually I CAN do it, and I AM good at it, whether ive got concrete evidence or not. I just have to keep reminding myself this, and not let it become a struggle like it did this year. Ive also got a Social Work Student that i started supervising in Aug, and another work colleague who I both adore and are helping keep any self doubt at bay (for now at least)! I do miss my mid friends and being in the birth-community more actively, but things seem to be going where they should and my passion for working in a school environment and empowering adolescent girls just keeps growing. And after 12 years of school, 6.5 years of uni and 2.5 degrees, ive officially said goodbye to uni/school for the first time ever and it feels great!